Paintball

I don’t seem to write so much about how or what I feel anymore lately. And it’s not because I feel less than before, but I often think that it’s not so special. Or that there’s already so many people pushing their thoughts out there, that it leaves little room for the few thoughts I have.

At the moment a growing theme has become a lack of interest in irrelevant things. And when you catch yourself saying ‘I really don’t care’ more than 30 times a day, you really start to see how much in life is irrelevant. With irrelevant I mean, the amount of relevancy needed in order for You to be happy. 

I’m not saying I’m happy. I’m just saying that there were and are tons of things that sure as hell aren’t making me happier by thinking about it. Or dealing with it. It’s a cliché but why stick with something making you unhappy in the present?

And before answering that question, you may not rely on the past or the future. You may not use those terms or use them as a reference. Because if you are stuck with the ‘Now’ then that’s the only place in time you will ever ‘Be’ happy. You might ‘Become’ happy in the future. And maybe you ‘Were’ happy as a kid. But this means nothing rather than a good memory or thought. It is what makes you happy ‘Now’ that truly matters. And so it’s only what you dó now that could make you happy in the present.

Is this passive or maybe a sign of not knowing anymore? I honestly don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost direction. I was my own captain setting my own sails. And I still am. But right now, it’s like I’m somewhere in the middle. Just drifting there. No need for yelling to set sail and travel as fast as I can to find some unknown promised land. Because if the thought of a Promised Land doesn’t make me happy now, I’m sure as hell not going to waste energy on setting sail to it. 

I still think I’m the greatest captain with the best ship. Onboard the best crew (read loved ones). And I can find that promised land whenever I want to. But like it says, I need to feel the need to ‘Want’ it. And right now this ‘Promised land’ is filled with crappy people relying on shitty acts, speaking with twisted tongs and handing you irrelevant situations to deal with. 

So yeah, then I prefer to just stay here. Be happy where I am right now. Knowingly I can go any place fróm here. 

Because I am the captain. In no need of direction. Because the place I’m going to, does not yet exist.

terracottaprincess:

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This.

(Source: flipsydoodaa, via saintmaus)